Today is not a good day and it should be. It's day 9 of my cycle and we have begun the IUI treatments. I went to get my blood work and ultrasound today...they seen one follicle which is great! I will have to go back in on Monday for a follow up u/s and more blood work to see where it's at. Great more blood work! I don't mind doing blood work, but when you literally get repeatedly poked over and over in the same sitting.... Your nerves get a little shot! See the aftermath below:
It's even worse in person! I work with the public so I have to cover my arm up to avoid questions. People may think I'm getting abused!! Thankfully the nurse taking my blood has found another spot to draw from (you know... The normal one in the crook of your elbow). And she has been getting it with one try. Thankfully! With all this anxiety building I kept thinking to myself, I have been unusually calm through out all of this!
I spoke too soon.....
Today she showed me how to administer medication to myself via a syringe, AKA a needle, AKA death pin, AKA wtf I have to stab myself with that?!?!?!!?? My head was spinning as she told me all the instructions on how to use this magical "epi-like pen". She even had me practice on a soft sponge like cube for practice. I was like Jekyll and Hyde! I can do this, I got this, vs. they ain't no way this girls gonna be able to poke herself!!
The drive home was an interesting one. I left feeling alright...but by the time I got home, I felt this heavy weight on my chest.... I went up to my room and couldn't hold back any longer. The short heavy breathing started, the weight on my chest got heavier and felt like it was depriving me of air and then, the tears came. Have I ever mentioned how much I love having anxiety attacks?? The last time I had one I was on vacation, in the middle of the ocean with my husband snorkelling. SNORKELLING!! I was having fun, relaxed, enjoying the sun and the sights...but as soon as my face went into that water...PANIC AT THE OCEAN DISCO!!!!!! I was hyper ventilating and my poor husband was sitting on the paddle boat we took out trying to calm me down and tell me I was fine. And what did I start to do? Laugh. I couldn't understand why I my brain was doing this (at the time I wasn't officially diagnosed with PCOS ...but I had a feeling that I had it) but some how I manged to get a hold of myself and some what enjoy the rest of the ocean bottom view.
Not all women that have PCOS, get anxiety... As stated in a previous post, there are many symptoms to it. Everyone of us is unique to what we have and to what level we have it to. It's just the start to understanding how this syndrome really works.
After a good cry, the release of tightness from my chest was very welcoming. The thought of injecting myself with that death pin was still bothering me, but to avoid another downward spiral, I kept busy in my craft room. Maybe my husband could do it for me!?!?!? LOL!!! Who am I kidding... he would probably enjoy it with all the shenanigans I've put him through over the years!
Next post... What not to do when you give yourself a needle!
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